Waking up and getting my lazy ass to the gym at 5:45 every morning just got exponentially easier (if the weather stays like this).
This weather makes me want to sit outside and drink coffee. It makes me want to skip down the street west side story-style. It makes me want to play my music REALLY LOUD. It makes me want to go in the park and pretend to read a book while actually people-watching and trying not to judge the other folks that are out enjoying this fine day. Like the hipster bike messenger kids all lined up on the cement barriers in Rittenhouse...they always have their big shoulder bags. I assume they are just big enough to hold a vegan sandwich, two 40 oz.'s, and a kidnapped toddler. That is why they carry them around I truly believe. But it is a beautiful day, and I should not judge them. I should only feel slightly sorry for the kidnapped toddler who is crammed inside their bag and can't see the sunshine and is inhaling the moist sweaty and plasticy smelling air of the interior. He/she couldn't scream if he/she wanted to because the chilled 40oz.'s are crammed on either side of the child's face so his/her jaw is frozen shut. This ensures that the child won't be tempted to nibble on the vegan sandwich as well (ah...dual purpose...lovely).
Where are these children's parents? Why aren't they storming the Oprah show...tissues in hands and tears on cheeks...why? Why aren't they calling the cops and screaming into the receiver..."But its URGENT!!!!!! My Little Johnny/Sally went missing on his/her way to school this morning. He/she is NOWHERE TO BE FOUND! HE/SHE NEVER CAME HOME! PLEASE. OH GOD PLEASE HELP!"
No.
The moms are at their daily yoga. They focus on their inhales that tickle the small hair follicles in their nasal passages. They say things like "ummmmm" and "shivasanasana". They twist themselves in positions named after pooping and screwing animals. They work hard to twist into these positions. They notice stretch marks on their stomachs when their lycra-cotton blend yoga tops ride up as they twist into "squatting tarantula". Towards the end of their class they do poses called "Child's Pose" and "Happy Baby". They think to themselves..."inhale ah how profound to be like a posing child exhale ah and how satisfying to lay supine like a very very happy baby." They think back to when they were babies and when they were children. They remember suckling on bottles and being cradled in their housekeepers' arms. They remember posing for family photos, but never quite posing long enough for the photographer to actually snap the picture or even for their mothers and fathers to find their rightful places in the family portrait tableau. Yes, the moms think of all these lovely things during their daily yoga practice, and the whole thing culminates in them nodding prayerfully and saying, "Namamaste". They say it and think, "oh how clever...we spend time stretching like babies and then say Na-MAMA-ste" at the end of class...We thank our earth mother...Mother Nature! Yes...thank you mother nature on this beauteous day. Thank you mother nature for the sunshine. Thank you mother nature for your blessings!"
The moms jet out of their yoga studio. They flag a cab to Trader Joes. The exit the cab upon arrival, tip the cabby 10 dollars, and shut the cab door while simultaneously taking a full wiff of the sweet smelling Spring city air. They rush into Trader Joes, maneuver their high heels down the aisles, and throw all of their Johnny's/Sally's favorite snacks into their cart. Like on autopilot they grab for peanut butter, macaroni and cheese, tortilla chips, baby carrots, and chocolate soy milk. They think about food pyramids and recipes that they plan to steal from Rachel Ray and her 30 minute meals. These moms are thinking about so many things all at once. They hear their cellphones beep, fresh with new text messages, but they don't have time to check them. The 20 year old nannies who watch their children after school are always texting them nervously saying things like, "Is Johnny allowed to have three Oreos for snack today? He says you always let him do that. lol." or "Sally has a really runny nose today. Can I use toilet paper to wipe it cause I think you guys are out of tissues. lol". The moms roll their eyes when they hear their phones beep and continue shopping. They think about what a calming effect their yoga practice has had on them. They think about the fact that there is no emergency that can't wait until they get home around 7:30 PM. It will be just like every other day. Little Johnny and Sally will be just fine.
Holy crap...I have no idea why this beautiful day inspired this super dark bit of fiction, but it did. Woa...sorry for the spontaneous and morbid story that I just pulled out of my ass.
