a debate-inspired free write...ripped off of Ivana Muller's show
I got so excited about this "I imagine" concept, that I couldn't help myself. I think watch the clip first so that you don't think I am mental.
Performers: Senator McCain (stage right) and Senator Obama (stage left)
McCain: Well Tom, I imagine this whole auditorium is spinning – like an amusement park ride. We are all being sucked to the walls by centrifugal force.
Obama: I imagine my brain is sloshed toward the back of my skull. All the front brain – the hippocampus, I believe its called, is pulled by this force. It squeezes toward, toward uh… the back brain – the base, the root, the…I’ve heard it called the um- animal brain. Yes. I imagine both my brains are squeezed together…the gray matter looking like – looking like the um – the um – the, well this sounds silly, but like my wife’s thighs squeezing into a pair of jeans. And with this fair amount of “brain squishing”, caused of course by this ride that Sen. McCain speaks of, comes a real, a real…an effect.
I imagine I can “FEEL” the rhetoric. It is lodged or something, the rhetoric, I mean, it is quite literally lodged in my gut. I imagine
McCain: I imagine the floor drops out. I imagine you Tom, you are the carnie man outside the ride. You have a bright red carnie t-shirt on. You press a bright red button and wahhhhh…. The floor…..g o n e!
Obama: I imagine it quite differently Tom. I imagine you are inside the ride with us. We have all been stuck to these spinning walls for quite some time now, years perhaps.
McCain: I imagine we have been spinning for far too long as well, Sen. Obama. What do you say, when the floor comes back up and the ride stops, I’ll buy us both chili dogs?
Obama: I imagine despite the brain sloshing, I would be very hungry. Thank you, Senator.
Obama: I imagine we are competitors in a pie-eating contest. We each have an unlimited amount of cream pies stacked beside our podiums, and we must eat as many as possible be…
McCain: Yes. I imagine before that damn little red light flashes…of course signaling that time is up.
Obama: I imagine that the damn little red light is unfair and unreasonable.
McCain: I imagine you, Senator Obama, just have too much to say.
Obama: I imagine you, Senator McCain, have some cream in the crevice of your mouth and oh some, some more is on the lapel of your jacket.
McCain: I imagine us doing the whole debate facing away from each other, I imagine I’d feel more comfortable…standing back to back maybe?
Obama: Yes, I imagine the possibilities of our spatial relationship to be very interesting – something to be played with, within reason of course.
McCain: Or I imagine it like a duel, a Western. We walk a certain amount of paces, and on the green light, we turn, AND
Obama: Yes or like a, um an, um.. a karaoke duel or something. You first, Senator McCain. Then me. On and on. All night long.
McCain: I imagine you would sing, what’s the name again? …Earth, Wind, and Fire or something like that.
Obama: Yes Senator McCain, I imagine the audience here and in front of their televisions at home would love us both.
McCain: I imagine, you Tom would be that Simon Cowl british bastard.
Obama: I imagine you Tom, would buy everyone here a round of shots at last call…maybe make a toast to Absurdity.
McCain: I imagine if my mother were here, in this room today, she would not understand any of this
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